“WOOP is a very practical technique for anything from emotions to something on your to-do list. It can be used for many different kinds of wishes.” — Donna Fedus
How many times have you been told that taking care of yourself is really important — and felt overwhelmed just thinking about it? You are not alone and there is a simple, evidence-based process, that can help.
We are Sue Ryan and Nancy Treaster. As caregivers for our loved ones with Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia, we understand how hard it can be to find the time — and energy — for your own wellbeing. We are sharing insights from Donna Fedus, gerontologist and founder of Borrow My Glasses, about an evidence-based process called WOOP — yes, WOOP — and how it can help caregivers turn their wishes into reality.
Donna has been a gerontologist for 35 years and a dementia educator for nearly 20. She founded Borrow My Glasses in 2013, to help caregivers “try on the perspectives” of others in the family or situation, and has been instrumental in bringing WOOP to dementia family caregivers through a nationally funded study conducted with Yale University.
Let’s explore three essential tips for putting WOOP to work in your caregiving life.
Tip 1: WOOP It Up
WOOP stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, and Plan. It was created by Dr. Gabrielle Oettingen more than 20 years ago. It has since been used in more than 100 countries, across a wide range of domains, and in multiple languages. It is classified scientifically as Mental Contrasting with Implementation Intentions (MCII).
Donna first learned about WOOP from a resilient caregiver she knew who participated in a Yale University study. He found that WOOP helped calm him and get him back on track during difficult caregiving moments — even months after the study ended. When Donna reached out to the study’s principal investigator at Yale, Joan Monin, their collaboration ultimately led to the nationally funded effort to bring WOOP specifically to dementia family caregivers.
The Four Steps of WOOP:
- W — Wish. Identify a wish that is important to you, a little challenging, and most importantly, something you can fulfill yourself. Set a timeframe to help focus your thinking (for example, the next 24 hours, week, or month).
- O — Outcome: Imagine the best possible outcome if you were to fulfill your wish. What would it feel like? Hold this image vividly in your mind.
- O — Obstacle: Identify your main inner obstacle — something within you that is getting in your way. Next, dig a little deeper. Sometimes the first obstacle you notice is not the real one.
- P — Plan: Create one effective action or thought to overcome your obstacle, then put it all together in an ‘If-then’ statement: “If [obstacle], then I will [plan].” Repeat this statement a couple of times to commit it to memory.
Once people practice WOOP enough to make it a habit, they can go through all four steps very quickly — whether sitting in a waiting room, drifting off to sleep, or pausing during a hard moment in the day.
Tip 2: Hone In on Your Wish
For many caregivers, identifying a wish is the hardest step. Caregivers are so often focused on others, they’ve stopped asking themselves what they want. If this resonates with you, you are not alone.
The Three Criteria for a Good WOOP Wish:
- It is important or dear to your heart.
- It is a little challenging — otherwise you would not need this process.
- It is something you can fulfill yourself.
Setting a timeframe — even just the next 24 hours — helps you get specific and find a wish that is truly within your reach.
Common Caregiver Wishes Include:
- Having more patience. A caregiver who lived with her mother who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, wished for more patience when her mother’s repeated comments pulled her attention away from other tasks. When she dug beneath the surface, she discovered that her real obstacle was not frustration, but resentment. Her plan:
If I feel resentful, I’ll stop, breathe, take note of what I am doing, and pivot my full attention to my mom — because I know she is not doing this on purpose.
The approach worked beautifully.
- Making time for yourself. A caregiver who also worked full time wished for a few hours of her own that week. Her obstacle was her overflowing work to-do list. Her plan: to talk with her boss about prioritizing that list — which would free her up to take the time she needed to feel refilled and refreshed.
- Finishing a long-delayed project. Another caregiver wanted to complete a home project but was worried about leaving her husband with dementia on his own. Her WOOP insight: incorporate him into the project. A simple but powerful reframe.
- Having a difficult conversation. One caregiver needed to advocate for her husband at his memory care facility but had been avoiding the conversation. After WOOP’ing about it for just a few minutes, she was able to have that conversation within the week.
WOOP is flexible enough to work for emotions, relationships, logistics, and more. And the more you practice it, the easier it becomes to recognize your own wishes — and act on them.
Tip 3: Make It Work
WOOP may sound simple — and in many ways it is — but there is real nuance behind it that makes it effective. Here are some key principles that help WOOP work:
- Focus on What You Can Control:
Every step of WOOP keeps you inside your own sphere of influence. Your wish must be something you can fulfill yourself. Your obstacle is an inner one — not a person or circumstance outside you. Your plan addresses that inner obstacle with one concrete action or thought. This consistent focus on what is within your control is one of the reasons the process is so powerful.
- Use WOOP at Any Stage:
WOOP can be used at any point in the caregiving journey — even before a diagnosis. It works on any day or night when you have a wish you want to fulfill. There is no wrong time to WOOP.
- Combine WOOP with Other Evidence-Based Approaches:
WOOP is designed to work alongside other evidence-based interventions. Whenever you encounter a goal-setting process, WOOP can deepen it — helping you think through your wish, your obstacle, and your plan with more intention and specificity.
- Join a WOOP Group:
WOOP for Dementia Caregivers is a program that grew out of a National Institute on Aging funded study by Borrow My Glasses and Yale University. WOOP groups meet for just three sessions — one hour per week, for three weeks in a row — and participants also receive access to a password-protected website with additional resources. If you want support learning WOOP alongside other caregivers, this is an excellent option.
- Taking Action: Give WOOP a Try
As caregivers, we can all use help being more intentional about making changes that stick. Give WOOP a try! It’s a powerful, flexible, evidence-based tool that can help you identify what you truly wish for — and create your path to get there.
Getting Started With WOOP:
- Set a timeframe — even just the next 24 hours.
- Identify a wish that is important to you, a little challenging, and within your control.
- Imagine your best outcome — vividly.
- Dig for your main inner obstacle — and be honest with yourself.
- Form your if-then plan — and say it out loud.
Have you tried WOOP — or something similar — to manage the emotional and logistical demands of caregiving? What strategies have helped you make time for your own wishes? Share your experiences in the comments below or on our Facebook or Instagram pages.
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