“I don’t think any of us should be trying to assist a person with dementia without first walking in their shoes.” — PK Beville, Ph.D.
Have you ever wondered what it actually feels like to live with dementia? Do you find yourself struggling to understand why your loved one behaves the way they do, wishing you could see the world through their eyes- even for a moment? There’s a powerful tool that can help you do exactly this.
We are Sue Ryan and Nancy Treaster. As caregivers for our loved ones with Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia, we know how much empathy and understanding matter in day-to-day care. We’re sharing insights today from PK Beville, Ph.D., founder of the global nonprofit Second Wind Dreams® and inventor of the Virtual Dementia Tour, a simulation experience that has changed how nearly five million people worldwide understand and care for people living with dementia.
If you’re following along with the Navigating Dementia Caregiving Roadmap, this is part of Step Seven — educating yourself. You can find the full roadmap as an interactive page on our website at thecaregiversjourney.org. Steps one through six help you build your foundation right after a diagnosis. Steps seven through ten are about deepening your understanding, and the Virtual Dementia Tour is one of the essential resources we recommend in this phase.
Let’s explore three essential tips — from understanding what the Virtual Dementia Tour is, to applying what you learn at home, to finding one near you.
Tip 1: Learn What Happens in a Virtual Dementia Tour
PK created the Virtual Dementia Tour out of frustration. No matter how much training she provided to caregivers in long-term care settings, she couldn’t bridge the gap between what people with dementia experience and what caregivers were actually seeing. Caregivers were jumping to conclusions about why a person with dementia might act out, hit, scratch, or bite — not realizing it’s the disease, not the person, driving these behaviors.
She studied how the brain dies, identified the behavioral outputs of this process, and built a simulation that allows people to feel some of these realities firsthand.
Here’s what the experience includes:
- Earphones that simulate the white noise and auditory distortion that makes it difficult for people with dementia to process what they hear.
- Gloves that replicate the diminished sense of touch — the inability to feel and handle things clearly.
- Glasses that limit peripheral vision, showing participants what it’s like to lose side-to-side sight.
- Shoe inserts that simulate chronic pain — because many people with dementia experience physical discomfort they cannot communicate or address on their own.
Participants are given tasks to complete in an experience room — and are observed. Most struggle. Most, despite standing in a darkened room, never think to flip on the lights. This single moment alone is revelatory: people with dementia often can’t initiate the next logical step, even one as simple as turning on a light.
Before and after the tour, participants complete assessments to measure whether their understanding and attitudes shifted. They do — consistently.
97% of people who go through the Virtual Dementia Tour report they will treat dementia differently in the future.
The tour concludes with a comprehensive debrief that helps participants connect what they experienced to real-world care.
Tip 2: Apply What You Learn at Home
The empathy the Virtual Dementia Tour builds doesn’t stay in the experience room — it comes home with you. Once you’ve been through the tour, you start making your own connections in your own environment.
A few of the most important takeaways to put into practice:
- Let them be. When a person with dementia paces, touches things, or moves objects from place to place, it can feel maddening. Because their senses are dimmed, they’re leaning on other senses to make sense of the world. As long as your loved one is not a danger to themselves or others — let them be. PK lived this herself, caring for her father who lived with vascular dementia for four years. She understands how hard it is and knows letting go of the frustration is essential.
- Don’t assume they understood you. Even when someone with dementia is looking you right in the eye, this does not mean they’ve processed what you said. During the tour, participants are given instructions and then left alone. Almost everyone universally struggles to remember or follow through. This isn’t stubbornness. It’s the disease.
- Break everything into small steps: Abstract tasks such as: “Let’s get you ready to go to the doctor” don’t land. Instead, break the task into tiny, concrete pieces, and pair verbal cues with visual ones. Holding up two shirts and asking, “This one or this one?” is far more effective than asking them to choose an outfit.
- Give choices whenever possible. When you make every decision for your loved one, they become more withdrawn and more confused. Choices — even small ones — support them staying engaged in their own life, maintaining a sense of dignity, and feeling like a participant rather than a passive recipient of care.
- Think about your environment. Lighting matters more than most caregivers realize. Older adults — especially those with dementia — need significantly more light to see clearly. Check the spaces your loved one spends time in and ask yourself whether they’re truly well lit. Small changes in the environment can make a meaningful difference in their comfort and orientation.
Tip 3: Find a Virtual Dementia Tour Near You
The Virtual Dementia Tour is available around the world, and is offered by thousands of certified clinicians and facilitators.
Here’s how to find one:
- Visit secondwind.org and go to the questions section. Let them know where you’re located and they’ll connect you with tour offerings near you. Even if local providers don’t always update the events calendar, Second Wind will reach out to their contacts and find options for you.
- Check the events page on the Second Wind Dreams website for scheduled tours.
- If you’re in the metro Atlanta, Georgia area, Second Wind offers the tour at their home office in Roswell and can arrange sessions for families or groups.
- Organizations — including hospitals, law enforcement agencies, first responder teams, retail businesses, restaurants, and TSA — can arrange specialized tours tailored to their staff. If you work in any setting where your team interacts with people who might have dementia, this is worth pursuing.
Here is an important note: the Virtual Dementia Tour is not a one-and-done experience. PK recommends going through it at least once a year. Their research confirms participants learn something new every time.
Second Wind’s support doesn’t end with the tour. They offer free guidance to caregivers who have questions at any point in their journey. Contact them directly through their website and someone will be happy to help.
Taking Action: Walk in Their Shoes
Understanding what your loved one is living with changes everything — how you speak to them, how you set up their environment, how you respond when they do something that confuses or frustrates you. The Virtual Dementia Tour is one of the most powerful tools available for building that understanding, and we consider it an essential step in educating yourself as a caregiver.
You can find more information at:
- PK Beville / Second Wind Dreams: secondwind.org
- Navigating Dementia Caregiving Roadmap (Step 7): thecaregiversjourney.org
Have you been through a Virtual Dementia Tour? What surprised you most, and how did it change how you care for your loved one? Share your experiences in the comments below or on our Facebook or Instagram pages.
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