“Once caregivers get it, they’re truly excited. To do this, you train yourself to be present in the moment, the now, and the imagination.” — Anne Basting
Do you struggle to create meaningful connections with your loved one living with dementia? You’re not alone. Almost all of us do, and there are concrete tools you can learn right now to change this.
We are Sue Ryan and Nancy Treaster. As caregivers for our loved ones with Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia, we understand how isolating it can feel when conversations stall and connection seems just out of reach. Anne Basting is the founder of the award-winning nonprofit TimeSlips. She has invested 30 years developing and researching creative storytelling approaches for people living with dementia.
Let’s explore five essential tips for creating intentionally meaningful moments and connections with your loved one — from believing in your own creativity to turning shared moments into lasting gifts.
Tip 1: Believe in Your Own Creativity
The first step toward meaningful connection is letting go of the belief that stops most people before they even start — the idea that you’re not creative.
Anne began her work in 1996, volunteering on an Alzheimer’s unit, trying reminiscence techniques. Nothing was working — until she brought in a picture of The Marlboro Man and a sketch pad, and simply said, “Let’s make it up.” What followed was a 45-minute story filled with laughter and joy she hadn’t witnessed in six weeks of volunteering.
Still, after 30 years of training caregivers, she hears the same thing from every single person: “I can’t do this. I’m not creative.”
Her response? “Okay — who can breathe?”
Everyone raises their hand. And this, she says, is all you need, because creativity is a unique human attribute we all share. Somewhere in our education, we built self-doubt about our creative capacity.
The good news is, this can be rebuilt.
Research now confirms that creative expression — learning, playing, and using imagination — expands cognitive reserve and reduces brain aging. This benefit is bi-directional: when you engage creatively with your loved one, you’re both building cognitive reserve…and it’s also joyful.
Tip 2: Forget Memory
This may be the most counterintuitive and liberating shift caregivers can make.
When you approach someone with dementia and ask them a question that requires a factual answer or relies on shared memory, there is only one correct answer, and the pathway to it may be blocked. For example:
- Do you remember who the president is?
- What’s the date today?
- What’s my name?
When you rephrase your question using imagination instead of memory, you open the door to many possible answers.
Anne knows how difficult this is.
After 25 years of this work, her own mother developed dementia. Anne carries all of their shared memories and has to discipline herself to set them down. Anne explains:
Relying on those memories and trying to remind her of all those things is not the way to open up meaningful connection. If I ask, “Do you remember the time we did (give an experience)?”, she might not be able to. With a question like this, I’m triggering her to experience shame, fear, or frustration. I’m also triggering my own fear that I’m losing her. If I shift, and let go of the expectation of memory, we can connect in the emotional moment of the now.”
When you keep trying to rebuild the past brick by brick, you end up with a brick wall between you and the person you love. It’s important to train yourself to walk around it instead.
Tip 3: Open with a Beautiful Question
Once you’ve let go of memory as your entry point, the question becomes: “How do I start?” The answer is what Anne calls a beautiful question — one that opens the moment to shared discovery, has no right or wrong answer, and often engages the senses.
Some examples from TimeSlips:
● “If you could lift your arms right now and take flight, where would you go? What do you see? What do you hear? Who’s coming with you?”
● “What is something in your home that you like?”
A beautiful question can also be a prompt because it’s anything that opens curiosity. You can be walking past a window and simply ask, “What do you see?”. You can gesture toward a piece of art on the wall that you’ve both looked at many times and ask, “What do you think is happening here? What would you name the people in it?”
The key to TimeSlips is imagination-based rather than memory-based. You’re not testing. You’re wondering together.
Tip 4: It’s Also About Beautiful Listening
Asking a beautiful question is only half the gift. The other half is what happens next: genuinely listening to the answer.
People living with dementia often get used to being ignored. They repeat themselves and, unfortunately, sometimes others tune out. Perhaps their words may not always make sense, or they can become emotional. They’re left feeling what they’re doing is wrong, because people around them start to disengage.
Beautiful listening is the solution:
- Writing down what your loved one expresses and asking if you’ve gotten it right.
- Echoing them — their words, their facial expression, the pitch of their voice, the humor, the seriousness.
- You’re offering proof that you are truly trying to capture what they’re saying.
When someone experiencing dementia goes from being ignored to being heard — really heard — it can feel transformative. Anne describes it:
It is a radical act of love.
Nancy reflected on her own experience.
My husband had primary progressive aphasia, a subtype of frontotemporal dementia that took his language early. I wonder how beautiful listening could work without words.
Anne answered with a story.
I once led a storytelling workshop where every participant had aphasia. No one had verbal language, and yet — using gesture and sound, with the group and me echoing every movement — we built a beautiful, tender, joyful story together. You could feel people discovering expressive power they didn’t know they still had.
Someone is always listening. This is what matters.
Tip 5: Create Gifts from Your Experience
Many therapeutic arts programs say it’s all about the process — not the product. Anne respectfully disagrees, and her reason is profound.
When someone is deep into their caregiving journey, they can lose something fundamental: the ability to give back. People who spent their whole lives being generous and caring, suddenly have no avenue for that generosity. They can’t give. They can only receive.
Creative engagement changes this.
A beautiful question can become a micro-poem. Pull an apple from a bowl of fruit. Ask: “What does it smell like?” “What does it taste like?” Write it on a note card with a small drawing. This is a gift your loved one made — something they can give to family members, even mail as a postcard.
A creative story shaped around a painting the family knows well? Press record on your voice memo, echo and shape the story together, then send it. Families who hear these recordings discover that meaningful connection is still possible — and that kindles hope for everyone.
Anne shares:
This dementia journey is hard, but there is joy and creativity and hope all the way along to the end.
Taking Action: Meaningful Connection Is Still Possible
While creating meaningful moments with a loved one living with dementia is challenging — it is absolutely possible, and you don’t need a theater degree or a special talent to do it.
By believing in your own creativity, releasing the expectation of memory, asking beautiful questions, offering beautiful listening, and turning those moments into gifts, you can change the quality of connection for both of you.
If you’d like to learn more or access training, visit:
- TimeSlips: timeslips.org
- Their free 45-minute family caregiver training (in partnership with Dementia Friendly America): dfamerica.org/timeslips
- Find Anne’s book, Creative Care (available in paperback) HERE:
Have you tried creative storytelling or imaginative engagement with your loved one? What worked for you? Share your experiences in the comments below or on our Facebook or Instagram pages.
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